If you have recently broken up with your girlfriend, or are experiencing ‘time apart’, then you will realise how difficult it can be to resist the temptation of contacting her online.
In the past it was simple. When you break up with your girlfriend, you quietly come to terms with it.
First there were letters, and then phone calls, perhaps the occasional awkward chance meeting. These days, however, temptation is right there at your fingertips 24/7. It can drain you of all your energy and willpower, and leave you constantly pining.
After a certain period of time it is going to happen, and within the blink of an eye it is too late. You have ‘poked’ her, or ‘liked’ her, or sent her ‘just a little message’.
If you want to win back your ex-girlfriend, you can’t fall into this trap. You can’t become a slave to the little voice in the back of your head urging you to say something. You have to be strong.
If your ex-girlfriend has expressed a desire to have ‘some more space’, or ‘a little time apart’, then usually it means that her head is in gridlock. She is trying to figure things out, and with the subject of her thinking (you) constantly in front of her, or on the phone, or talking online, she doesn’t have the room to breathe.
There are two major reasons why staying offline is beneficial to the cause of winning her back.
1) S P A C E
Believe it or not, when your girlfriend is having time to think, she doesn’t want to login to Facebook just to ‘see if you’re about’. It is not attractive for her to see a chat box pop up on her screen the instant she logs in. This will crowd her. She wants to experience freedom. Her mind-set is decided. You can’t just break into it and rewire her thought process. Think about when you are focused on the football. That is your present mind-set. At that time anything external to those 22 men kicking a ball around a pitch is going to be unwelcome. That is exactly how she feels right now. Anything, and by anything I mean ‘you’, even slightly entering into her head space is only ever going to be seen as an annoyance.
Now it is different when she reaches out to you. If you do happen to be online at the same time that she is, then wait for her to contact you. Don’t expect it. Remember, she is not there to talk to you. And if it doesn’t happen, don’t feel bad. The chances are, however, that she has noticed you, and either she will not want to say anything, or perhaps the longer she sees the opportunity, the more her resolve will weaken, and it will be she who invites you into her space.
If this does happen, then be positive. Don’t act as though you have been sitting there, desperately urging her to say something for the past hour. If you are not doing anything productive (which you should be), then simply make something up. It is not attractive for her to imagine you slumped down on your sofa, staring at your screen, desperately waiting for her to speak. ‘Part 2′ further addresses this point.
If every time your ex girlfriend comes online you are there, then in her head you are being unproductive. The visual image she will have (which may not be far from the truth), is of you slumped on your sofa, playing computer games, drinking beer, surrounded by half-eaten pizza slices, and empty crisp packets. Needless to say, this is not attractive.
One of the most important things, during a temporary break, is to evolve a positive visualisation of you, in her head. She will be thinking about her future, and whether you fit into it. The simple fact that she has requested ‘some space’ indicates this. You can change the man that she sees in her visualizations, simply by the way that you behave during this period of time. You need to grasp this opportunity, not only for the sake of the relationship, but also for your own sanity.
1) Take up a new hobby
2) Learn a language
3) See old friends and family
4) Join the gym, or go swimming
All of these things will not only ensure that you are not crowding your girlfriend online, but they will also remove you from the exhausting process of pining. It will put you into a healthy place, and when you do happen to be online when she is, it is most likely to be her who has been pining, and her that reaches out to you. Not only that, but you will have lots of positive things to talk about, and she will visualise you in an overly exaggerated positive light.
3) BE FREE
What all of the above boils down to is your mind-set. You have to be free. If you find yourself trapped in a cycle of pining and craving, then you are building an unhealthy foundation from which to act. You have to find a certain degree of acceptance. You can’t always control everything, and if she doesn’t want to be with you after this period of time, then you have to know that you did your best. Be aware that it may simply not be right, and you will have to come to terms with that.